Pretty Boy Bam Bam

If you haven't seen this popular YouTube video yet, I would have to recommend checking it out. Pretty Boy Bam Bam is a 6 year old child prodigy boxer who has been trained by his (gospel preaching and biblical rapping) father since the age of two. The kid throws better combinations and punches than half the professional boxers out there...

How can you turn your own child into a phenom like this little guy?  Well, it seems that coaxing your naive six year old into doing 100 push-ups after already completing an entire workout, not to mention 2 hour-a-day boxing workouts and rigorous weight training works wonders (or at least thats how this loving father does it; see video below)  

Kind of reminds me of a tv special I caught a few years back on a boy they called Little Hercules (see pic here; and yes it's real).  His parents, who were both martial artists and trainers in the Ukraine, kept their son Richard on a strict protein diet (consisting of mostly nuts, berries, and supplements) and extensive work-out/stretching regiments.  The parents hard work creating this little specimen landed their son some brief tv spots and b rate movies (which i'm sure was the original goal) not to mention an investigation into their questionable ethics and alleged use of anabolic steroids on Lil' Herc. 

Both Pretty Boy Bam Bam and Lil' Hercules may have been robbed of the most valuable years of their lives, but it is a small price to pay for 5 minutes in local news channel spotlight.  I am sure these valuable experiences will prepare them for their adult lives much  better than having any friends, doing their homework or playing outside could.  There is no doubt in my mind that we will see as much of Pretty Boy Bam Bam and Lil Herc when they grow up as we did from Tony Royster Jr., the worlds greatest child prodigy drummer (see here).  Very Little. 

Mike Tyson, My Father and Me

Mike Tyson slouched in the large sofa of his surprisingly lavish home face-to-face with ESPN sports writer Jeremy Schaap.  Upon studying Tyson’s demeanor, I almost find it hard to believe that this seemingly submissive and mild mannered man on my television screen was once the “baddest man on the planet," an ex-convict and as far as I’m

concerned, the most adored and despised psychopath in the last 50 years (now I said it was his demeanor that led me to this conclusion – the flamboyant tribal tattoo engulfing his left orbital may have blown his cover).

Schaap was interviewing Tyson for ESPN’s new show E:60, which is an investigatory series that tackles various interesting topics in sports.  The idea behind this segment was to give an in-depth look into the life of the “new” Mike Tyson, while at the same time highlighting the ups and downs of his infamous career. 

The piece was quite interesting and if you didn't get a chance to see it, you can do so on this little-known start-up website called YouTube (right here).  It was so interesting in fact, that it swayed me into putting a halt on the installment I was working on and instead, share a somewhat personal story that one could say directly links my father’s career and my childhood love for Nintendo to the tragic fall of the greatest knockout artist of all time, Iron Mike Tyson.

It was 1991. The wheels were in motion for the match-up between two of the great heavyweights of the time, Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield.  Although Holyfield was a great fighter, many thought that his reign as champ was about to come to an end and Tyson would walk through him as he had done to so many others.

My father, a commercial artist, came home from work one day and exclaimed that a rep had contacted him with an opportunity to illustrate the official poster for the upcoming super fight. Now, for my dad who who has produced nationally renowned artwork for rock n’ roll magazines, sports ads, and the U.S. government (among others things) to more recently working on some more monotonous pieces like off-beat toy box covers, jumped at the chance to take on this particular piece.  As an ex Golden Gloves fighter and avid boxing fan, he got a piece of artwork he could really get excited about.  It gave him the chance to once again involve himself in something he knew and loved.

Needless to say, he painted the hell of out of the piece (see below) and was contacted by Nintendo to complete another Tyson illustration, no doubt due to the quality of the first one. (Nintendo, like sweet polyphonic music to the ears of every 7 year-old boy lucky enough to grow up in the by-decade spanning from 1985 to 1995.) 

Throughout his career, my father has illustrated something for every major company you can name off the top of your head, including illustrating the United States Savings Bonds (article), but there was not another day that I can recall being so ecstatic about one of his projects.  Later, when I found out that it was the cover artwork for the sequel to arguably the single greatest game produced for the NES console, Mike Tyson's Punch Out!, I could’ve died a happy boy.

The mere thought of receiving a Nintendo game before it was released blew my little mind.  It was the equivalent of crack cocaine to a young kid like myself.  I could have everyone over from school to play it, I would be the coolest kid around, I’d have the coolest dad around, since we were doing the illustration maybe I would be able to test the game and tell them what I liked and didn’t like and get credit for helping out on it and that may lead to a career in video game consulting and if that worked then I could play video games all day for the rest of my life…. The possibilities were endless....

And then it happened.  In the same fiery blaze, both my Nintendo crazed ambitions and one of my father’s favorite pieces of artwork went spiraling into oblivion.

In July of 1991, Mike Tyson was arrested for the rape of Miss Black Rhode Island, Desiree Washington.  Shortly thereafter, he was convicted and sentenced to 6 years in prison (served 3).  It goes without saying that the mega- fight was cancelled along with the aforementioned original fight poster.  So, sadly, the poster was vaulted (only to be resurrected again for this monumental occasion). But there was still hope for the video game and I was not ready to give up on that yet (it was already developed and ready to go, there was no way they could scrap it).  

Following Tyson's conviction, Nintendo dropped the title only to be snatched up by an outside developer called American Software Corps (which I venture to guess paid next to nothing for it).  They were prepared to release the game as originally planned with a few minor changes. Thier first move was calling my dad to rework his original cover artwork (below).

Mike Tyson soon became Mark Tyler (brilliant), they removed the Tyson signature black trunks replacing them with pink shorts and gloves (in the game), dropped his gold tooth (and gap), shaved his part and gave him a DJ Jazzy Jeff flattop. And because Nintendo still had a strong hold on the Punch Out! brand name, the game's original title was out as well. The game’s new name became Power Punch 2 (despite the fact that there was never a Power Punch 1).

The game’s premise was a good one, let me tell you.  Mark Tyler was such a wizard of the sweet science that no humanly conceived boxer on earth could pose any threat to his heavyweight title.  In hopes of finding some real competition, he decided to put out a challenge to anyone in the universe who thought they could stand a chance with him in a boxing match – and of course the top aliens in the galactic empire accepted.  

The changes were made and the game was ready to go.  As I had wished, the perks that come along with being the artist's son paid off and the game was delivered to us before the release date.  Even with all the changes, the actual game itself had to be pretty good right? I mean it was still the sequel to Mike Tyson’s Punch Out! behind all of that dressing.  Definitely has to be good. 

Couldn’t have been more wrong.

Of the estimated 810 games released on the NES console, it could quite possibly be the worst game ever made available to the public (and that includes Shaq Fu, Hydelide, Smurf Rescue, Elevator Action, The Three Stooges, Where's Waldo, along with Marble Madness and Treasure Kid, two more games my dad did cover art for).  The graphics were bad, like I think I'd rather be playing ColecoVision bad (see right). 

Your character could barely move on the screen, some of your opponents were flying around in vehicles (in the ring) and the aliens were a little too realistic for my liking. I am not talking about visually realistic (not even close), I mean it was like really fighting an alien with extraterrestrial strength.  

After about fifty tries I still could not make it out of the first round of the first fight!  The alien was dancing around the ring dodging every punch I managed to get off and lighting me up with a consisting barrage of blows to the head.  Where as my character moved like he was stuck in mud, slowly inching back and forth in five second intervals (definitely not to be confused with the side step in the original Punch Out!).  

After hours of game play I finally figured out how to land a punch (thank you god).  However it didn't help,  I would land 100 punches to their one super punch (or Power Punch I guess) and watch my health meter plummet, only to be knocked unconscious never to see the light of day again.  And thus my video game pipe-dream came to an abrupt halt.

I have come to the conclusion that the company either stopped putting money into the project at some point (which is most likely the case) or Mike Tyson had a clause in his contract that let him partake in the programming, art direction and the design of the game.  Either way it made for a pretty upsetting experience.  

So I listened to Jeremey Schaap softly speak over the footage of Mike Tyson showing off his handcuffs as he was escorted from the court room and I couldn't help but becoming a little philosophical. I thought, if the epic demise of this lunatic known as Iron Mike Tyson can cause such a ripple effect that it directly (or maybe indirectly) affected my father's livelihood and my childhood ambitions in more than one way, then maybe just maybe everyone in the world is connected in one way or another. Mr. John Lennon would have been proud of my new revelation. That's it, we are all one.

I am Mike Tyson.

Another Rescheduled: Walkin' on Broken Glass

Don't break open the piggy bank quite yet, the Pay-per-view fight that was scheduled for May 31st between "Sugar" Shane Mosley and Zab Judah is going to be postponed.  Zab Judah reportedly put his arm through the glass door of his shower and required 50 stitches to seal the wound. (your going to have to wait to blow your $54.99 for a couple extra weeks)

This is the second incident this year in which a top boxer had troubles with glass.  In between his bouts with Jermain Taylor, Kelly Pavlik was doing some work around the house and accidentally launched his arm through a glass window.  The injury required 100 stitches and threw a wrench in his training schedule for the fight.  However,  the bout was not rescheduled and Pavlik recovered from the injury to defeat Taylor for the second straight time. 

These guys need to stay away from the glass objects before a fight or refrain from employing the training techniques used by Jean Claude Van Damme's character (Kurt Sloan) in the movie Kick Boxer (fists dipped in glass).

Chagaev Rescheduled Match

Follow up to my recent post: The Associated Press reported today that Ruslan Chagaev has rescheduled his heavyweight bout with the Nikolay Valuev.  The fight will take place on July 5th. This timely reschedule really surprises me and leads me to believe one thing - Ruslan Chagaev reads my blog. 

Chagaev Cancels Bout

According to ESPN, Ruslan Chagaev has pulled out of a rematch that would have pitted him against the former WBA Heavyweight Title holder Nikolay Valuev.  If you haven't seen Valuev before he resembles the offspring of an accidental (or intentional) cross pollination of a North American grizzly bear and Ulyana, the failed experiment of Russian military scientists (see for yourself).  I find it very hard to justify the credibility of the casting director for Street Fighter the Movie in having blatantly missed out on this guy to take on the highly regarded and challenging role of the greatest video-game-based wrestler in the entire Soviet Union, Zangief.

Anyways,  I normally don't get too caught up in any of the news regarding the gaggle of Russian heavyweights (every one of them is as slow and robotic as the next and I particularly don't feel the need to spend my time trying pronounce or spell any of their surnames), but this one caught my eye.  

According to Chagaev's camp (and a doctor), he has cancelled the match due to what they are calling a protracted virus; an upper respiratory tract infection.  

Now, this is the second time in recent memory Chagaev has cancelled a fight due to illness, the first coming before his bout with then champion Sultan Ibragimov (spell check).  It was later reported that his reason for missing the fight was due to the fact that he was possibly suffering from hepatitis B. 

 Hmmm... tract infection and hepatitis B, kind of sounds like the same problems listed on the medical patient form of that guy sitting next to me in the waiting room of my college campus's Planned Parenthood.  

You're a professional boxer, lay off of the Stolichnaya Vodka and the Russian mistresses for a minute and maybe the number of infections that you contract will steadily decrease - You have a fight at the end of the month.

 

De La Hoya Tuned up

Last night the Golden Boy honed his skills against the over-matched Steve 2 Pound Forbes.  If it were a movie script, there were very few moments in which the fight failed to follow the plot-line that the writers would have intended,  for the most part we all witnessed what was expected.

Forbes, fighting up in weight and giving three inches in height and arm length, gave De La Hoya everything he could muster.  Although losing every round but two (by my count) Forbes was absorbing some of Oscar's best shots and never really found him self in any danger of being KO'd. This could be either a testament to Forbe's tough chin or the fading power of the Golden Boy's once devastating left hook.  With that said, De La Hoya did look faster and more agile than we have seen in years.  But it is time to face reality.  

In this decade De La Hoya has done two notable things:

1.) He has become the most popular boxer of his era, transcending the sport as we know it; a boxer and a business mogul   2.) He has lost nearly every major fight in which he faced a top opponent.  

De La Hoya is not the fighter he used to be or maybe ever was.  It is possible that his immense popularity coupled with a few signature wins have led both

the boxing media and the general public to rank him higher than his abilities would suggest. Since 1999, he has suffered defeat at the hands of Floyd Mayweather Jr., Felix Trinidad, twice by Shane Mosley, was KO'd by Bernard Hopkins, and we can consider his fight with the previously undefeated Felix Sturm a loss as well, because it seemed as though the only reason he was given the decision was due to the Golden Boy's impending super-fight already scheduled for the coming months with Hopkins.  Which leads me to a point... tune-up fights.  

The excitement (or lack there of) leading up to this fight and others like them recalls memories of how I felt when I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, driving to my great aunt and uncle's to have dinner at one of California's finest barbecue chains (which actually isn't that bad except for the fact that every time I visit they tell me I have to try this new place to eat - I think they forget that they have taken me there the last three times.) That bad. 

Let face it, nothing short of knocking De La Hoya cold through the ropes would have propelled Steve Forbes to a victory last night.  There are hundreds of millions of dollars that would not have been spent and subsequently made if The Golden Boy lost the bout.  For instance, two months ago I happened to catch a glimpse of a not yet released fight poster (I may or may not be fairly close with the artist) depicting an illustration of Mayweather and De La Hoya for a promotion waiting to be distributed by a major company.  Two months ago!  The contract for the fight has yet to be officially signed and sanctioned, yet these people are making posters. That sheds some light on how this fight was going to turn out from the start, no matter what happened. Not cool.  

Last but not least, I found it very interesting to watch The Golden Boy's selection process for his opponent in this fight.  He seemed to be searching for small, quick, intelligent boxers to simulate a fight between his upcoming adversary.  After tossing around many names, he narrowed it down to three, one of them being the junior welterweight IBF champion, Paulie Malignaggi.  Now that got me excited.  Malignaggi would have with out a doubt been a perfect simulation of Mayweather's style. Such a close simulation in fact, it would have been too close to the real thing and  The Golden Boy would have found a big L next to his name after the final bell.

Of course Oscar's intelligence and business savvy prevailed once again, and now instead of watching a truly great fight (Malignaggi vs. De La Hoya) with a chance of a De La Hoya loss that would create the possiblity for Mayweather to have take on a different fighter (say Miguel Cotto), we are now subjected to two fights that (I think it is safe to say) you and I could have done without.